Joke thread

The rules are simple. Ask a joke and the next person rates the previous joke and says one of his own. And so on...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To run away from KFC.

meh to old, i give it a 2

Ok so i was playing left for dead on single player so i decide ill kill off my teammates because they slow me down. my dad walks into the room to watch's as i shoot Louis with a shot gun. he gets downed and Zoey helps him up so i shoot him again. my dad ask
"why do you keep shooting the black guy?" so i say
"because he keeps geting up!"

0...for not getting it...

This was is an epic :

This took place before Obama was president. When Obama and Hilary were still competing for the democrate post.

There were 5 people on a train Obama, Hilary, Bush, an Elder, and a child.

The plane was about to crash, and there were 4 parachute bags.

Obama jumped with the parachute first for the exucse of being a very important person,a dn maybe a future presidnet.

Hilary jumped next with a parachute, with the excuse of being the next president.

Bush jumped next with a parachute the exuse of being the presidnet of the strongets country in the world.

The elder told the child "Go son, take the parachcute bag and jump...I am gettign to die soon ayways"

The child replied: "No Grandpa, we have 2 parachute bags left."

Grandpa: "How? There were 4 parachute bags"

Child: "Well Bush took my school bag actually...."

ROFL

I got this one from Egypt

0 for not being funny and that it is to old, btw you don't play left for dead so the fact that you didn't get my joke is a duh next time don't post till someone who does get it! my joke is back up for someone who plays the game

ok, so some one says:"Hey guys, I have a story to tell!" Another person says:"How about making it 10 stories and jump?"

umm, jj, I really do not get it.

How about this: Why do they call it the department of interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Hassan you are stupposed to say the answer so I could rate it...

Pried boo you...mine was hilarious...and the joke was supposed to be for anyone to understand...

Things Only Found in the USA

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

love these 10/10

mne was a joke itself, was not a question answer thing, Ahmed

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

0/10

I heard most of those 'only in America' jokes before

You might think this is a little racist...

A policeman stops a man who's driving a car down the highway and says "sir we are giving you $5000, but you have to say how you will spend it first. The man says "I'll use it to take my driving test to get a license." a woman sitting next to him says "he's always like that when he's drunk." A kid sitting in the backseat says "I knew we would never get far in a stolen car." Then, a voice from the trunk says "Are we across the border yet?"

u guys got no jokes ...

Then you say one Fang

He is Sayf... I'm Fang

I told a joke by the way

Oh my bad.

Your joke was funny lol
===============================
Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.)
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...
A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.)
Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"

Sorry but 0/10
Yo momma so fat she jumped out of a window and went up.

0/10...is it just me or did it not make snese :

Wouldnt she go down?

===============================
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Someone has stolen our tent."

How to get Good Grades

1.Study Hard
2.Listen to your teachers
3.Convince your parents a "F" stands for "Fantastic"

7/10

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

It's funny if you think about it.

Lol

7.5/10

A joke to celebrate the lies of the bush administartion

"Question: "What proof do you have that Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction?"
Colin Powell: "We kept the receipts."

15/10
It's hilarious
Btw, that one about Stalin was hilarious too

(bad pun warning)

1st guy: Did you hear about the two silk worms that raced?
2nd guy: No, what happened?
1st guy: It ended up in a tie.

that does not make sense.....

10 of the funniest bush jokes out there (Real Quotes):

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

"They misunderestimated me."

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

15/10
Bush is an idiot.

And how did my last joke not make sense?

i got it but i don't think he took it the right way

LOL

Throughout his vice presidency, Cheney and Bush have both passionately argued that Dick Cheney indeed is not part of the executive branch, despite the fact that the Constitution says the Vice President is always part of the Executive Branch.

"Well, it's in very fine print," says Cheney on the subject, "But it's there. The constitution specifically says that if a vice president's initials are D.C., and they weigh over 300 pounds, they are not part of the legislative, executive, OR judicial branch, they are part of a little-known fourth branch known as the Empire Branch, in which members get to do whatever they want."

He then displayed a copy of the Constitution, in which, at the bottom, written in red crayon, was the rule described in the above quote. When asked which of the founding fathers wrote in red crayon, Cheney responded: "It was the mouse who rode around on Ben Franklin's shoulder." History textbooks were immediately revised to include this, and House Democrats instantly gave up on making Cheney face any consequences for his actions in the white house.