You should read it. And gee it's getting long, I should learn to wirte short stories.

Anyway there you go I added more and I'm almost done Chapter 1.

LOL I wonder how long it'll take me to decide I don't like it any more and start again.

And...

The characters in this story are all real.

Racheal is the greatest chick on earth - I'll do more on her character soon.
Charlie is based on.. well you'll find out
Andrew is based on a guy I went to school with.
Ellie is a cross between me and the me I'd like to be.
Mr. Miller is based on my couzin josh (mousie on the forums)
And Mrs. Muller is based on me grown up.

LOL there are so many private jokes in the story.
The bit abut punching a whole in the wall and the Mona Lisa to cover it should get a good reaction out of Mousie.

LOL have fun guys, catch yall later.

i think i got a guess for charlie

Hmm please enlighten me!!

Lol Den denz... The whole in the wall and the Mona Lisa is a thing she keeps going on about. I punched a hole in the wall and put a poster of the Mona Lisa over it. LOL.

lol yeah
That fact was kind of obvious due to me saying it, but thats ok we'll just have to get you a crown and labell it "Mr. State the obvious"

Okay, but it should be Master, not Mr. I'm only 14.

The character is based on you not actually you. I gave him the last name Miller so you would no who I was talking about.

Hehehe I find myself very funny.

isnt master miller the guy from metal gear solid? i liked the last paragraph about how you showed everyone was nervous. and the 2nd to last line i think says whole instead of hole

lol, yeah thanks, I didn't even notice.

And Mr. Miller is my cousin. LOL on here he is mousie but his last name is Miller read his post on this thread.

thats why i made that little joke the guys Master McDonald Miller but hes only called Master Miller

LOL ok sorry I didn't get it but anyways.

one thing i would change is where it says -chapter one- you made it easy to notice prologue. took me a while to realize that i was half way done with chapter one

kk ill have a look and make the change.

i know something that takes a long time to do that i had to do in writing enrichment. its called boring word change. if a word is repeated too much you have the editor replace it with another word that would fit the scentence. boring words can only be used a lot if theres no substitute

OK, so what did you want me to do? Change or elimininate - chapter 1 -

make it easier to tell like how you said Prolouge

There you go. For all the people to see there now is a clear end to the prolouge.

I really dont care I'm doubble posting just wanted to update everyone, theres a few more paragraphs and im almost to my point!!!!!

you are forgiven this time Denz...lol...