A note from me.
Hey guys many of you will have read this before but Im sorry I get frustrated by the story line so I re-write and re-re-write so here it is my 5th re-write.
And if you do rate it rate it tough. Tell me everything you think about it don't hold back. Your critisims are m building blocks.



Thanks,
Danielle.

Prologue.
"Maddy, watch out!" Charlie called out over the sound of horses galloping.
I was frozen. Coming straight at me was a dozen troops on horses riding at me. I just couldn't move.
My body stopped functioning. The next thing I knew Charlie was coming at me. I was knocked flat on my back with Charlie right on top of me.
In hind sight I don't know which would have been worse. Being trampled by a troop of guys on horses or having Charlie having one over me for the rest of my life.
As quickly as they came, they passed.

"What the..." Started Charlie as he climbed off of me.
"Who the..." I started.
"Where the..." Andrew started.

We were suddenly in an open field, not far from what seemed like an old-school village. I had no idea where we were. I had never seen any of the scenery arond me. Everything seemed new, or rather old. To our left was a forest, which stretched as far as the eye could see. Over to our right was a stream which lead down to a small village.

I should probably start from the start.

- Chapter One -

It started out like any other day. Charlie and I were on our way back to the mess hall. We'd just finished our last class for the day. We had been watching the worlds most boring movie on medieval living. The video had to be over 100 years old and the presenter looked as if he could drop dead at any moment. Most of our class was almost asleep for most of it, but Charlie and Andrew were right into it. As far as they were concerned watching multiple people get beheaded by a blunt knife all in the name of education was a fantastic idea. Mrs. Muller (our history teacher) was nuts about the medieval period. She was always wired on coffee, it was always funny.

By the time we arived at the mess hall we were starving. But as we walked in, it was oddly quite. Charlie and I exchanged worried glances. We both attended Illyria Boarding school, and rule one of our school was where there's food there's students. Yet here we were surrounded by food with no students around.
Something was definatley up. We heard a sound from the back and started our way back there.

It seemed that everyone was crowded around the staff window. As we made our way to the front we realised they were all gathered around a television. Again this was way out of the ordinary. I'd been to this school from the word go and I'd never seen a television set. Again Chalie and I exchanged worried glances.
But before we could figure out what we were watching, our principal, Mr. Booth, came in and turned it off.

"Alright, alright, everyone move back," Mr. Booth said, almost screaming to be heard above the rising noise level, "OK everyone back to your year level rooms. Your teachers will fill you in on the details."

Everyone around me began moving towards the main door. I grabbed Charlie around the hips, (so I wouldn't lose him), and followed. Everyone around me seemed tense. People all around were whispering nervously.

Somewhere to our left someone said, "The Prime Minister seemed nervous."
And over to our right, "Do you think the school will send everyone home?"
"Do you think our parents are ok?"
"Why isn't the UN stepping in?"
By now I was freaking out. Whatever was going on must have been huge. As we were on our way back to our main room, Andrew and Rachael caught up with us.
"What in the world is going on?" I asked, almost cutting off Charlie's circulation. I was still holding onto his hips and with the build up tension I was gripping way to hard.
"Oww," complained Charlie. He removed my hands from his waist and held my hand, just as tight. "Yeah, what's going on, other than Maddy's new passion for extreme massaging."
"Well, me and Rachael were wandering past the mess hall and we noticed no-one was in there, which weirded us out so...."
"Andrew," I said quite annoyed, "get to the point today please."
"You of all people should know he can't do that," Racheal said with a giggle, "we were in the mess hall and the tv was on, we were so shocked! So we headed over and saw some old guy, apparently he was the leader of the UN, talking about war in the countryside of Illyria and..."
"What?" Charlie and I both said at once.
"That's just it," Rachael continued, "by then everyone was gathered around and watching and then Mr. Booth came in, and you know the rest."

War! War in Illyria that's immpossible isn't it? It's funny, here at Illyria we are completely cut off from the outside world. Charlie and I had both attended Illyria since the word go. And this time the "word go" was a lot earlier than normal. Illyria was a private, exclusivie and extremely expensive school. Illyria is an island off the coast of Australia. It had been privatley brought by the founders of the school. Apparently he was some absolutley filthy rich guy who absolutley loved the medieval period. He loved how they had such definate social ladders and how those at the, or near the top were so in his words, "classy" so he founded this school. The idea is that they take the most gifted children from around the world and train them in the ways of true gentlemen and ladies. Perfection is a must and failing isn't an option. It sounds rough but that's how we do it. As well as that they have extreme strictness on rules about etiquette and just about everything else. But it was great! It sounds completely over the top, and in a way it was, but with all the extra rules came all the extra perks. This school was the most wealthy school around budget just wasn't in their vocabulary. Instead of learning out of a text book how a hover car works, we had professionals come in and help us build one in each class. And the afterschool activities were just as great. Learning outside of the classroom and out of school hours was greatly encouraged.

My parents definitely couldn't afford it. Not in a long shot. But apparently I'm brilliant, I know how stuck up that sounds but apparently it's true. I got into Illyira on a full scholarship, many other kids could have made it but apparently somewhere in my family line we were related to the founders of the school, so I got in. My parents are both Australian farmers, I love them to bits but I only go home during the Christmas holidays, which means their always busy. Other than them it was just me and my brother Matt. Matt, well what can you say? I'd say legend! As much as other siblings fought we depended on each other. Matt was 18, two years older than me, and he was preparing to take on his destiny, running our family farm. I'd only lived on the farm for two years. And getting back to the unusual early "word go" I had com to Illyria at the age of two.

Charlie on the other hand, well lets just say money just wasn't an issue. Here's a guy who has it all, but is still as down to earth as they come. His parents are both scientists working in the forensic department at the Australia Department of Defence. They were the best in the business and their pay checks mirrored that feeling. Their work often meant a lot of travelling, and it was because of this they decided to send Charlie to a boarding school. And boy I was glad they did.
Charlie was one of those guys, you know the type, teachers thought he was the most brilliant, charming student they'd ever come across, and all of the female students at Illyria thought he was the most attractive guy that could be found on planet earth, but to me he was the best friend in the world!
I always knew if I had a problem Charlie and his sense of humor would be there to help. Being without your family for 10 out of 12 months of your life since the age of two is tough, but with Charlie there it was much easier to cope. Our friendship had started out on the soccer field, and since then we'd just grown closer.

By the time we finally made it to our year level room, (the year 10 year level room was on the other side of the school to the mess hall), most of the class was already there. Everyone was tense and talking nervously. We took our seats, Charlie, Andrew, Rachael and I all had seats grouped together at the back, and as we did Mr. Miller, our year level teacher, walked in. He was a funny guy, as well as being slightly shorter than Mrs. Muller he was one of the best teachers in the school. He got frustrated really easily, I mean once last year Andrew was late to roll call and when he rocked up he was a mess. Andrew was a tall, blonde and definatley hot guy, but on this day he was all over the place. His hair, normally sitting perfectly, was a mess. It literally looked like he just rolled out of bed, after wrestling a lion. Mr. Miller was in such a bad mood he walked over to Andrew and told him to go to the office then started pacing around, then all of a sudden he walked over to a new wall still in the construction phase and punched it. It was completely out of the blue. He left a huge hole in it, but then even more surprisingly walked back to the front of the room and continued on with his roll call as if nothing had happened. We all sat there in a state of shock. It was not just the students who were the best and brightest in the world, the expectations for the teachers were just as high, if not higher. Ever better was on the way out to our first class, biology at the zoo grounds I think, we saw him putting a Mona Lisa poster on the whole to cover it.

Mr. Miller called the class to quiet down but as soon as he had our attention Mrs. Muller came into the room and gave him a note. After quickly reading it he asked the class to sit and talk quietly while he went into the next room. And then it was just us again.
"Hey, if there is war do you recon we'll be able to get in on some of the action?" asked Andrew excitedly. Only Andrew could find the idea of war going on arounsd us entertaining. "You know like in the 3rd world countries where you can go into the army at the age of like 14?"
"Hopefully" said Jessica suddenly appearing next to Andrew, "And hopefully you'll be put on the front line."
Jessica was tall, slender and in many students opinions perfect! But for those of us who had more dealings with her know, she is one of the meanest, upstuck chicks in our entire school! Not to mention arch enimies with us, ever since she asked Andrew out in the 8th grade and he said no, well actually he said not if she was the last female on the planet.
And ever since then she has been as mean to him as she could possiby be, not that hes he minds - to him it's all a big game he is ready to fight out to the death!
"As long as your with me," replied Andrew with a mocking look of hope on his face.
"You wish!" Jessica said as she stormed off.
"Always fun talking with you Jess!," Andrew called after her, looking quite pleased with himself.
I faded out as Charlie and Andrew started talking about what they thought was going on. Surely it coulnd't be so. What in the world could cause anyone to engage Australia in war? Or maybe it wasn't Australia maybe it was just Illyria, but that made even less sense!
"What's wrong Maddy?" asked Charlie, I must have looked upset, "are you worried about your parents?"
"Huh," I said before I click with what he was talking about, "no just wondering whats going on."
"Well you won't have to wait much longer to find out," said rachel pointing her head towards the door as Mr. Miller returned.

"Ok students calm down," Mr. Miller began looking quite tense, "as you may have heard by the rumors flowing through the school, North Korea has declared war on Australia, the have began attacking all the islands on the west coast as well as the western mainland. Illyria is yet to be hit, and Mr. Booth is looking at our options. For now all students are in their year level groups to go through the roll and explain the situation. First we need to do a roll call, then set about organising contact numbers from all of you to your parents before heading down to the bus zone where we will..."
Up until now everyone was sitting in silence. The shock of what was going on was just starting to hit. Then all at once the whole room fell apart, some students started crying, others shouting questions at Mr. Miller, the girl sitting across from me fainted and fell off her chair. Charlie and Mitchell jumped to their feet to help her. I looked up noticing that in all of the mess and confusion Racheal hadn't moved.
"Rach are you ok?" I shifted closer to her, she didn't flinch. In her hand she held a pencil, her grip on it looked like the death grip of a constricting snake as it strangled its prey. Mr. Miller started to try and gain control of the class, normally it would take nothing more of standing up, our class was never out of control, never did more than one person speak at a time, much less the entire class. Mr. Miller was starting to get frustrated and raise his voice, when all of a sudden a low roar in the distance became audible and the ground began to shake. Suddenly everyone was in a panic, screaming and ducking under the tables. Charlie reappeared behind me and grabbed me by the waist and pulled me under the table. The noise grew louder and louder as the shaking became more and more violent. Mr. Miller had a walkie-talkie out shouting into it. As I sat their absolutley terrified, I grabbed Charlie and Rachael and pulled them closer. Each second seemed to slow down to the point that it felt as if every second that went past was an entire day, I noticed everything, the way Charlie's grip slowly got tighter, how even the students that were crying now sat silently, how Andrew the guy with a smart comment on everything had nothing to say. Everything that happened seemed to be crucially important, as if these could be my last moments, our last moments.
Mr. Miller jumped to his feet and started screaming instructions, I couldn't hear anything over the noise - the deafng noise - but suddenly everyone around me was moving towards the door. Without even thinking about it I found myself moving towards the door, holding tightly to the hands that were in mine, not even sure whose they were. We were some of the last people out the door as it hit.

Post was to big so Chapter two on another topic.

Hey cuz, nice story so far. There are a few Grammar errors, but other then that it's looking good.
Post more quick! Lol

lol nice job using shes the man. its a good story. shouldnt it be hey maddy how did you do on the english assignment?

LOL, i knew i liked yo for a reason shes the man is my favourite movie ever! but.. i got it out of shakespears twelth night which shes the man is based on. and for those of you who read john marsden yes he is one of my inspirations

i used to watch it whenever it was on tv. what i never got was when shes changing to her brother on the ride in the carnival. the kid is not there while she changes but when the ride stops the kid magically appears....

i knew i knew i knew i liked u for a reason

that was one of the first things i said when i saw it

its funny if thats you in that avatar, you look like someone from my school.....

i was trying to gritt my teeth like my baby cousin

without that you still would..... its not though because you live in australia

lol ok then

back to my story

thats just the prolouge or chapter 1

lol yeah so far i never can write a short intro

anyway i added a tiny bit

lol i should write a chater then post

there you go people my first chapter

if you want see the A on the right where you type? click it and if its not red than spell check is on

HUH? im confused what A

AHHH, I retyped this last night cause i wan't happy with it but my laptop shut down and it didn't save!!!

damn, well third times the charm

LOL yeah, hopefully

finally read it its a nice opening but what's it going to be about?

LOL sorry I just deleted most of it and rewrote it.

The characters that have been designed will all be taken out of that enviroment and have to learn to cope....

stay tuned

interesting story but you had to cut out at the good part =P

lol which good part?/?

i find that i really am not very good at writing stories i get so far ahead of mself in planning that it all comes out in jeberish. i understand it but everyone else is like what/???


lol anyway i hope you guys do find it at least slightly entertaining.

The truth is that it's good for a start. It grabs your attention from the start

You just have a few grammer mistakes such as:

When the 3 people were starting and never finished their sentences you should out " ... "

Ahk thanks,

and check out the latest added people.

il read it when i get home Im going out in like 3 mins. it better be good