lol superman is super stupid

LOL superfail 20 x 16 x 10 is 3,200 NOT 32,000

omg superman now has super weaving!!



so anything this supernoob does is super??

how can you like this guy??

This always seems to be a debate I get into. Which might show how empty a life I live. At any rate, I think it's worthy of debate on a larger scale. Here's my view...

Superman is a giant douchebag, and he should just die... again.You might be asking yourself... why? How can such a staple of American heroism be the ultimate douche? Well, let’s go over it section by section.

1 – SUPER POWERS
It’s always been kind of a standard rule of super heroism that you have a power. Maybe two. The Hulk is super strong, Wolverine can heal and has fancy claws. Mr. Fantastic is stretchy (by the way who named a hero Mr. Fantastic, gave him the ability to be incredibly flexible and then decided he’s straight? But that’s another topic...). Iceman uses ice. Hawkman can fly. So, that being said... who the hell gave Superman the right to grab up like 75 different powers?? The guy has the ability to fly, super-speed, invulnerability, super strength, super hearing, laser eyes, telescopic/IR/radar/heat/x-ray vision... but they couldn’t even stop there, the man needed super BREATH. Even the air the guy breaths is super! How did this happen? I think I know how. Do you remember as a kid when you used to play toy cars with your friends? You’d do things like have races, or just drive around, having fun. There was always that one kid who would kick everybody else’s cars, claim he’s some giant prehistoric creature and wanted to enter the race. Then you’d tell Jimmy that he just broke your hot wheels you got for Christmas and he’d say it was your fault for trying to race a dinosaur. THAT guy created Superman.

2 – HIS WEAKNESS (yes he only has one)
Kryptonite. So that little asshole Jimmy made a comic for a few years about a man who is super but completely invincible. Then somebody said “hey, why are we reading a comic about somebody who has no possible way of being mentally or physically harmed?” So they invented something from outer-space that can harm him, because nothing on Earth was good enough. Kryptonite, the one thing that hurts Superman, is the mineral debris from the Superman’s home planet, Krypton, which was destroyed. That’s right, Superman is an alien from the planet Krypton, full of creatures that were by chance anatomically identical to our own. So the only thing that can harm Superman are minerals from his own planet? That would be like if I were a super hero, travelled to mars, and my only weakness was when aliens threw big chunks of clay at me. Not only is the concept ridiculous, but it lends itself to only one possible plot device to ever be used in any Superman comic, cartoon or movie. Somebody, somehow, has found another piece of kryptonite, and will somehow make Superman come close to it, or be covered in it, or make him wear a jacket made of it, or feed him a bowl of cereal with kryptonite shoved inside the mini wheats.
Is there an issue of Superman that doesn’t have kryptonite? If so, why do these exist? Really, what’s the point? It’s like watching a boxer fight a man without arms. And if Superman’s ONLY weakness is kryptonite... then why the hell doesn’t he just invent some kind of kryptonite viewing goggles. Or why can’t he just separate kryptonite in his vision? Lord knows he can see through anything else. And that’s not creepy by the way?

3 – HIS ALTER EGO
The ultimate superhero, the invincible genius that is Superman decides to create a disguise that will not only fool his adversaries, but his closest allies. Glasses. Oh, and he combs his hair more-so to the side. Fools everybody. He can’t even wear a hat, or speak in a different tone. He’s just Superman without 20/20 vision. Although lord knows if the creator of Superman were here he’d say “well actually Superman has 400/400 vision, because I have Napoleon complex so I live vicariously through my shitty superhero to fulfill the inadequacies I could never personally overcome”.
Why does Superman even need a disguise? He has ONE weakness. The man can’t be killed, yet he hides around in an office building all day, then he runs to a telephone booth to change. Good luck finding one of those anymore by the way, asshole. Nobody catches on to this. His glasses never fall off and people miraculously make the connection. And to make it worse, as his day job Superman decides to become a reporter. What’s the number one thing being reported on? Obviously Superman! What kind of megalomaniac son of a bitch has infinite power, and instead of using it to help humanity on a regular basis he takes a fulltime job writing articles about how he’s a pretty big deal, and then saves a few lives when his super hearing picks it up over top of the talk at the water cooler. This man is so self-righteous that he takes on an alter-ego for the sole purpose of assuring the world of his excellence from a third-person perspective.

4 – THE NAME
Superman. You forget how stupid it sounds because it’s imbedded into our culture. But really it’s no less ridiculous than Fabulousman. He’s super, he’s a man, put the two together... and he’s right up there with Mr. Fantastic. You cannot help but wonder about the guy’s ambiguous sexuality. He wears tights and a cape to fight crime and he’s a part of a group called Super Friends. Yes, Super Friends. An austere group of crime fighters featuring the likes of a cartoony looking canine with a cape named... Wonderdog. Superman. Wonderdog. Super Friends. Enough said.

5 – STYLE
Yes, the obvious cape and tights. Let’s just move right past that. The man never really changes or evolves for over half a century. Then they realize Superman’s popularity is dwindling, so they decide to kill him off in a comic in 1993 to rejuvenate his popularity. That’s the point it came to. And what killed Superman? Doomsday, a villain basically made completely of kryptonite. Way to stick to the meat and potatoes boys. Anyways, Superman dies, then they realize “hey wait... if Superman’s dead, we can’t make superman comics”... so they made a brilliant move. The plotline went something like this: Superman dies. After the funeral, Superman’s spirit is floating around when it runs into Superman’s dead adoptive earth father, Jonathan Kent. This guy convinces Superman’s spirit to return to earth. Suddenly, four superman-like guys, all hip to the 90s style in their own way, appear out of nowhere. One is a cyborg, basically The Terminator with a cape, one is some future superman guy with a sweet 80s visor, one is a black guy (played in an actual movie by Shaq years later, to no audience), and the last, and worst of all, is an even douchier little kid, Superboy, who sports a leather jacket circa the fonz. Way to keep things relevant. It’s also worth noting that the douche in the leather jacket, Superboy, was part of a group called The Ravers. So basically instead of fighting crime he did ecstasy and wore glow sticks. Well done.

6 – REBIRTH
So this whole move with four supermen didn’t work. Of course they had to un-die Superman. They had to revise the formula, build things from the ground up. They had to think of a way of making Superman still relevant to recent trends and thinking. So Superman returned to comic life, with little to no explanation, but this time he was different. He wasn’t just Superman, no, he was Superman with a MULLET. That was their big move! They make ONE change to save Superman, and it’s giving him the most notoriously hideous haircut in the universe, only beat out by the rat-tail. And so Superman continues to fly away from pieces of floating kryptonite, with his luscious locks blowing in the wind.

In summary, let’s mention a few reasons why Superman is the biggest douche:

-Superman’s basically invincible. Oh wait, we can kill him with something called Kryptonite? Wonderful, where can I get some of this stuff? Oh, it only comes from a planet that no longer exists? Well shit, that pretty much eliminates the working man from the picture doesn’t it.

-In Superman 2 the movie, Lois Lane dies. Yes! Something Superman couldn’t stop happened and he feels an emotion other than accomplishment for the first time in his life! He feels pain, inadequacy, because he can’t save everybody. But wait... then Superman has an idea. He flies around the planet Earth in the opposite direction of its axis, so fast that the Earth spins backwards a few times, leading it to... somehow... turn back time?? So Superman saves Lois from dying, saves the day etc. But... he turned back time?? I mean you can’t expect many scientific facts being held consistent in a story about a man-alien from the planet Krypton, but COME ON.

-Costume: Cape, baby blue tights, bright red underwear (worn over the tights of course), red go-go boots, and one swirly lock of greased up hair aptly placed dangling over his forehead (sometimes replaced with a mullet). It’s like Superman mocks his criminals, by wearing something that looks so absurdly ridiculous that you assume there’s no possible way he’ll defeat you. It’s like losing an arm wrestling competition to Steve Urkel and then have him snort in your face. You just can’t help but be pissed off and keep trying.

-In a comic in 1978, Superman boxes Muhammad Ali in an intergalactic boxing match... and loses. Where is the consistency!? Superman can throw around trains, small buildings, probably punch holes through three layers of the earth’s surface... but he matches up against Ali and is sent back to Earth in an oxygen tent??

Now, for the number one reason why Superman is a douche. The guy’s untouchable. He can’t be harmed. He can be anywhere in a second. Why can’t he drop the stupid paperboy gimmick and save the world for real? Not damsels falling off their balcony, I mean actually make the world at peace. If he was super he’d do that. However, he’s an emotionless douchebag. So, much like a born-rich chache who slowly spends his daddy’s money living out an episode of The Hills, Superman just rides on through his life as half the person he should be. But he still thinks he’s the bees knees. His lack of inner-emotion, his lack of feeling or compassion, has created generations of growingly rebellious youngsters, doing their best to deter from Superman’s unrelatable man of steel attitude. For this reason, Superman has created one of the worst things to ever be unleashed on this world. Superman’s lack of feeling has given emphasis to a movement of people who feel inadequate, self-pittying, and self-loathing. Superman has created something far worse than he could ever be... the emo. God help us all.


^^ EPIC!!!













superman = biggest d'bag ever

Gosh darn, how many times does Super Man lose control of him self in these comics?
Like a billion and one. Sorry 'hun but these all show how awesome he is.

Mayhem wrote:Gosh darn, how many times does Super Man lose control of him self in these comics?
Like a billion and one. Sorry 'hun but these all show how awesome he is.

stfu

Hey, if the audience likes a big strong women abuser st00pid hero/villian, then give it to them.

he sucks at math too

sticky this

1. Why on earth would this be sticky-ed
2. I'm not able to in this forum, maybe if it was the Spam forum, would I allow it.

I'll move it and sticky it to the spam forum or we can keep it here, unstickied. Which would you like?

merge it with the other topic that i forgot about

and admit he sucks

I don't know why I said allow it, but whatever, move it to Spam, and I'll allow it to be sticked for some time.

Well Im taking away Craig's powers...not really needed anymore...I just gave it to him in the first place just to make the rules.

Erm... Okay?