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5 posters

    The Poem

    Ahmed
    Ahmed
    Ahmed
    NH Admin
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    • Post n°1

    The Poem Empty The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:48 pm

    This poem is dedicated to all the happy people
    All the happy people
    Who have real nice lives
    And have no idea what's it like to be broken.

    I feel like I am walking in circles
    I am in a nervous wreck
    Minimum wage
    Make sweat for a worthless check
    I am full of venom and rage

    My son wants to tell me jokes
    But I'm too stressed to laugh
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    preid1220
    preid1220
    preid1220
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    • Post n°2

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by preid1220 Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:54 pm

    and the author of this morbid work?
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    Justice
    Justice
    Justice
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    • Post n°3

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Justice Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:57 pm

    Did you write this?
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    Ahmed
    Ahmed
    Ahmed
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    • Post n°4

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:00 pm

    Pretty much
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    Hassan
    Hassan
    Hassan
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    • Post n°5

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Hassan Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:39 pm

    ummm.Its a work in progress..right?
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    Ahmed
    Ahmed
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    • Post n°6

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:48 pm

    Yes it is
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    Hassan
    Hassan
    Hassan
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    • Post n°7

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Hassan Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:50 pm

    ok..work on the message (theme) first
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    The Banker
    The Banker
    The Banker
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    • Post n°8

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by The Banker Sat Jul 10, 2010 4:25 pm

    Rock Bottom by Eminem.... u just took out the swearing Rolling Eyes

    This song is dedicated to all the happy people
    All the happy people who have real nice lives
    And who have no idea whats it like to be broke as ****

    I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net
    I'm popping percocets, I'm a nervous wreck
    I deserve respect; but I work a sweat for this worthless check
    Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt
    Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
    Full of venom and rage... etc

    but the son part is original Razz
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    preid1220
    preid1220
    preid1220
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    • Post n°9

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by preid1220 Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:32 pm

    Ahmed your poem lacks power and reality.
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    Ahmed
    Ahmed
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    • Post n°10

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:54 pm

    No Cho. I changed 70% percent of it. Therefore it is no longer that song. Check on MLA guidleines because you accuse me of such criminal acts.

    Preid it is solid. But I dare say that the fool always lacks understaning of greatness.
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    The Banker
    The Banker
    The Banker
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    • Post n°11

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by The Banker Sun Jul 11, 2010 9:53 am

    i ain't accusing u of nought... just pointing stuff out Razz
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    Ahmed
    Ahmed
    Ahmed
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    • Post n°12

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:03 am

    Sorry that was Admin speaking Razz
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    preid1220
    preid1220
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    • Post n°13

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by preid1220 Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:12 am

    Hermione wrote:No Cho. I changed 70% percent of it. Therefore it is no longer that song. Check on MLA guidleines because you accuse me of such criminal acts.

    Preid it is solid. But I dare say that the fool always lacks understaning of greatness.

    I may be young, but i am not an idiot. I posted what i truly felt since your the one always asking for criticism.
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    Ahmed
    Ahmed
    Ahmed
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    • Post n°14

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

    Post by Ahmed Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:14 am

    I didn't ask for anything and I didn't call you an idiot O.o
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    • Post n°15

    The Poem Empty Re: The Poem

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