What in the hell...?

Mm. I tried to find a post I made a really long time ago (not too long after I joined) but it must've been auto-deleted or something...

But it went something like this. You guys most likely don't remember it. Steve wasn't here in the first place though.

Several years ago, when I was almost but not quite eight years old, I had a dream. This is one of the oldest memories I have, save for my first nightmare and a few actual events. In the dream (strangely, I can still remember it with ease) I was inside what looked like a silver cylinder. Some parts of the cylinder were pitch black, with light occasionally flashing a little bit in the middle of the blackness. There were rows of chairs along the walls, and I was sitting (from my perspective) on the right side. I was alone except for one black gangsta dude, sitting on the left. It was completely silent except for gangsta-ish beat coming from a black and silver iPhone the guy was holding (iPhones weren't even out back then. Wtf?).

Then, in 2009, I went to Washington DC. My parents wanted to see a bunch of landmarks and stuff, while I wanted to see the war memorials. So I split off from my parents one day after agreeing to meet them again at a certain place at a certain time. Off topic, but DC is a really awesome place. There are a lot of interesting things to see, as well as many people on the streets just playing guitars or drums or whatever. It's a really cool place...but when I wanted to see something that would normally require like two hours walking distance, I decided to instead take the subway. So yeah, you can now probably guess what the silver and black cylinder was.

DC calls it "The Metro" because the subway system goes back and forth from above to below ground. But I'll call it a subway cause I'm a foo. So anyway, I got on the subway, and stuff I can't really remember happened. Anyway, after a few stops, most people got off the subway car, and the black guy got on. He started to play the gangsta beat thing, but I still had no recollection of my dream. In fact, I completely forgot it's existence when I woke up that morning so many years ago. But as the subway drove on (drove?), I started to get this really weird feeling. I ignored it, until the music reached a certain point and it exactly matched the music I had heard when I was seven. Instantly, like a slap in the face, I remembered the dream. I remembered everything about it. The whole connection was the beat of the music. I could predict which notes would come next. I was amazed at myself. To be honest, I felt pretty friggen awesome.

But there was one difference between dream and reality. There were actually other people other than the black guy and myself. Just a few...but it was still a difference. Right after the incident, the subway went out of the tunnel (hence why the sides of the "cylinder" were black with flashing lights. Black=Tunnel Darkness, Flashes=Mandatory navigation lights). The black guy got off. Then after that, it was my stop. The rest of the day was normal. At 5:00 or 6:00, I went back to the lodge.

The lodge was in Virginia. Though that's kinda irrelevant. DC and its hotels were fully booked so we had to stay out-of-state. The lodge was a really small building with three small beds. Since I have a brother, that didn't really work out. Since I have insomnia anyway, I volunteered to take the crappy foldable couch-bed thing while my brother got the real bed. Surprisingly, I fell asleep really quickly that night. The next morning, after waking up, I decided to take advantage of the TV right in front of me. So I found the remote and turned it on. The very first thing that popped up scared the sh!t out of me.

It was already set on the news channel, and the very first thing showed the exact face of the black guy I saw in the subway. He was murdered in the robbery of an Apple Store (back to the iPhone thing) last night. He was shot by the robber and killed instantly. I just remember wanted to scream 'what the f**k'... Anyway, I've let this go as a really freaky coincidence.

Then, Flame just so happened to bring up his suicidal thing. I began to think about my, now that I think about it, stange suicidal history. One, and only one night, I became extremely, horribly depressed, like all my friends in the world had died. All I remember is wanting to kill myself. I searched and searched for my knife, but couldn't find it. Then I just remember blacking out. Next morning, all was fine. I felt totally normal if not happier.

The reason this is weird is because of when it happened. The only good thing I've got in my life is a good memory and eye-foot coordination... I specifically remembered the day that happened, so just in case it happened again, I could tell someone when I started being depressed. The point is, I was depressed past midnight on March 11th 2010, exactly one day before the Sendai earthquake in Japan (which just barely happened after midnight).

When I pieced what I hope was BS together, all I could think was, Seriously? What the f**king hell? This kinda pisses me off, cause I'm fricken scared of myself right now. I don't believe in all that mystic/psychic BS, but this is just out of sanity. But I promise you, I'm telling the truth.

Should I see a psychiatrist or something?